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В магазине мужик покупает удочку. Одну посмотрел, другую. Перебрал всё, что было, но никак не выберет что-нибудь подходящее... Утомлённый продавец: - Послушайте - может, вы лучше рыбой возьмёте?
- Сeма, почему бы вам не жениться на Софочке? Ну, подумаешь - немножко косая! - Немножко?! Да когда она плачет, у неё слёзы текут по спине крест-накрест!
Висят двое альпинистов на стене, мужик и девица. Мужик, естественно, снизу. Девица нашла уступ и пытается закрепиться. Мужик снизу: - Маша, вяжи булинь! - Сейчас попробую... - Не надо пробовать, вяжи пятнадцать бантиков!!!
Рыболов возвращается с рыбалки и вносит в квартиру щуку килограммов на тридцать. Жена из кухни: — Петя, это ты наконец вернулся? Брось, как обычно, рыбу кошке и иди ужинать.
Новый русский поймал золотую рыбку. Рыбка и говорит отпусти меня я исполню все три твои желания. Хорошо, говорит новый русский. Мне самолет, яхту, остров в Индийском океане. Иэто раз......
Рано утром мужик собирается на рыбалку. На улице минус 25, авто не заводится. Хмурый возвращается домой и говорит бррр холодно как. Жена спросонья. А мой дурак на рыбалку уехал.
Два приятеля приехали на незнакомое озеро. Встречают местного жителя и спрашивают. Рыбка здесь водится .А куда ей деваться отвечает местный .Через три часа, не поймав ни одной рыбещки, снова спрашивают местного. А рыбка в озере есть. Откуда ей браться отвечает местный.
Мужик целый день просидел на берегу,ни чего не поймал - вскакивает, в сердцах трясущимися руками сгребает удилища в охапку и со словами"- Если бы рыбалка так не успакаивала,никогда бы не занялся!!!" ломает их об колено...
Одна выкуренная сигарета укорачивает жизнь на один час. Выпитая бутылка водки на десять часов. Проведенный день на рыбалке, увеличивает продолжительность жизни на одни сутки. Так рыбачте на здоровье.
Сидит мужик, на поплавок смотрит. Час сидит, другой... На третий час в ванную заходит жена: - Ладно, черт с тобой! Иди на рыбалку, а то мне постирать надо!
Семья едет в машине. Маленький сын спрашивает у мамы: - Мам, а ты мне удочку купишь? - Конечно! И удочку тебе купим, и лодку к ней купим, и друзей алкашей, бл@ть, купим, чтобы все, как у отца было
Рыбаки договорились посоревноваться, кто лучше соврет. Первый говорит: - Я однажды поймал щуку 21 кг. Остальные: - Ну бывает, все может быть. Второй: - Я поймал сома 57 кг. Остальные: - Ну все может быть. Третий: - А у меня случай был, целый день ни одной поклевки, от огорчения даже не выпил, всю водку назад привез. Все: - Ну это ты п@здишь!